The China Funeral PART 7

The post-funeral luncheon begins later than originally planned due to our stop. Most of the family has already arrived and is waiting in a private room. I arrive with the Benefactor Cousin in his Toyota Land Cruiser. A plush ride in China, certainly. During the ride, I keep trying to recall if Toyota even HAS a Land Cruiser in the U.S. these days. I hop out while the cousin parks or rather what passes as parking in China which is to find a space on the sidewalk, pop the curb and stop. Land Cruiser indeed! 

The restaurant employees are obviously surprised to see me walk in alone. The hostesses flash big smiles towards me. I look around for any bathroom sign then approach and ask with a smile “W.C?” One understands and one doesn't. I am led directly to it by the one who does. Perhaps, it's finally time to learn where is the bathroom in Chinese. 

In China, you can be in the nicest restaurant in town, but they still have the filthiest bathrooms you have ever laid eyes upon. This one is fair enough. Unsurprisingly, smoke is billowing from the tops of 4 out of 5 stalls where men inside are squatting over the floor in-laid squat toilets. I think to myself how much skill that takes. I can’t even use those things without taking off my pants. If I was smoking too, I’d burn something! 

Washing my hands at the sink later there is a surprise. Soap! Liquid soap! During this visit to China, I was happy to see soap being provided at public facilities more often than not. But in many restaurants (including this one) there is still a comb laid out for public use. Not in blue Barbicide (or as I like to call it, Barbercide) but just laid out there for free use and exchange of whatever creepy crawlers the comb-users have in their hair. Ick.

I find Ying and the rest of the family. Upstairs we go. Another fancy relief sculpture adorns the wall of the landing.

Inside our private room snacks are already  being eaten. There are 5 large tables with around 10-12 people at each one. I am placed with the Benefactor Cousin, his wife and his brother and his wife. FeiFei’s parents and DuoDuo are here as well and another cousin. The weeping auntie was just too sad to come. Ying  sits with Baba’s family. Baba is with his friends. Brother is with some assorted relatives that I am honestly not sure which side of the family they belong, though I recognize all of them. 

The food begins coming immediately in small waves upon being seated. The beer and baijiu begin flowing. Smokes are passed around and even I inhale. A disturbing dining trend this visit is first observed here. That is making starchy vegetables look like ice cream with delicious sweet-looking colorful toppings and even going so far as to serve the concoction in ice cream sundae glassware! I was fooled twice. There should really be a law.

The eating and drinking went on for 2 hours. We, the immediate family, went from table to table pouring drinks and thanking relatives and friends for coming and their support with a “gambei!” Mostly they were drinking baijiu. I stuck with the beer. I learned to loathe baijiu after my China wedding. The selection today was the same almond-flavored high-octane fermented sewer water that very nearly destroyed me 3 years ago.

After lunch, it’s time for Ying and I to check into our hotel. This is the same hotel we stayed at when we first visited Zhangjiakou together in January of 2008. Time has not been kind. What was the nicest hotel in Zhangjjiakou is probably still the nicest hotel in Zhangjiakou but is now well-worn. The restaurant has stopped revolving on the top floor. Strange off-color patches litter the ceiling. Carpets are filthy. Stale smoke hangs in the air. 

Immediately we take a shower. The bathroom has no tub. Two drains are in the bathroom floor. Half the bathroom is a shower, though this one did have sliding shower doors dividing the small room. I have seen them plenty of times without. They don’t help much. The water still ends up everywhere on the floor. That’s why there are two drains! Well, two clogged slow-draining ones at least. Over the floor is a flood of water. Ying calls and tells the Fuwuyuan our shower water is not going down the drain. The solution? She arrives minutes later with a homemade broom to sweep the water towards the drain. I think we should have been more specific. Maybe something like “The drain is clogged. Please bring Drano and a plunger.”

They allow us to change to the room next door that has a shower and a tub. The tub freestanding and is also a jetted model. All the plumbing is exposed. Unfortunately, the water still goes everywhere and we are back to the original problem. Water on these slickly polished marble floors is so dangerous. In these situations, I throw down my towel and let it get soaked after I dry off then remind Ying to stand on it. Ying is quite upset with the quality and goes on a long rant. To be honest, it’s just how I remember it from past trips. She never complained before, then she experienced American bathrooms!

We have an uneventful dinner later at Baba’s sister’s home. What is amazing is the cab ride back to the hotel. Something happens that has never happened before. The taxi driver begins speaking English with me! And he is really quite good and excitedly talks a blue streak. When I break in to say something he responds. “Sir I am sorry, but I don’t really understand you. I can speak English and anticipate what you are going to say but it’s hard to totally understand you.” Well, comprehension is a lot of the language, well, any language. He continues on and asks me about gun ownership in America lamenting the fact that he can’t own one in China. Then he says something even more amazing! “I like America! You killed Mao’s son in the Korean war. if Mao’s son had lived, he’d be in charge, not Deng Xiaping and China wouldn’t be what it is today!” He was smiling ear to ear when he said this. I can only imagine what might have happened to someone for expressing that particular viewpoint back in the Cultural Revolution.